What is it that I realize now that I didn't realize then? Why the tagging pain?
There is happiness too. In fact I have never been so happy before. It was your smile that day, something that opened up a world for me. It is a different feeling. I have felt 'being in love' before. This isn't that, those times were different too. But every time I was so unsure, still wondering, but right now, this time, I am not. I am just thinking about you, what will you think, what will you say? Then i wanted to clam myself up, not wanting to let anyone know, but this time, i want to let you know, let you see through this, let everyone know. But what, I wonder. You know that feeling of joy, it just runs through the spine and it stays. Your smile lingers, even in pain. It makes me wake up everyday with the hope of seeing you, of meeting you today, when everything is left to chance.
But that brings me happiness, the anticipation, the fact that I don't know whether you feel the same, but that there is hope. I have never felt so positive before.