Friday, July 29, 2005

Everyone was so huge as compared to me. I was scared of losing them due to my height. I was quite dispensable. But I knew that my grandparents would find me among any crowd in the universe. "Kozhandai" (little one) is what i am called. My grandpa's voice was firm, yet it oozed love. My grandmom had the voice of a very mature person. There was loads of love in it but it was a little controlled, as if she knew-it-all. Then when you looked at her face, you realised that there could be no face more pious and more loving than that. Her eyes spoke volumes. All her apprehensions were hidden there. She held them all close to her heart. My grandfather had a fatherly air. You would just want to go and sit on his lap to feel comforted. When he laughed he just opened his heart out. That laughter is resounding and really melodious.

I just wanted to be with these two wonderful people around me. I never wanted to see them cry. I hated all those who hurt them in any way. I really consider myself blessed for having known these great beings. But yes, there were my two uncles, four aunts and my grandpa's sister with us here, in Mumbai. I really can't define what it was, but it definitely can be categorized as some sort of a power-struggle, which my uncles, aunts and I experienced. They all were much older to me. The eldest being ten years elder to me. I was around four. I could never understand their urge to discipline me. My grandfather never disciplined me. Or may be he did, but I never felt like i was being disciplined. My grandmom too, never said anything. I have never heard a 'no' from them! It was never 'no' because they knew better than i did. They just told me sometimes, that I needed to wait to get there or wait to get whatever I wanted. My grandmom always felt that her son would object, so she always told me to restrict my demands.

But who is my uncle? My grandfather is the only one who can tell me anything at all. Only he needs to consent. When did the power equations change?

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