Saturday, April 30, 2005

can one be ever sure of love? Are there soul-mates? Is the person I am with, my soul-mate? Whenever I meet you i come up with a new set of questions, I dont know of that is for my good, but it happens. Why marry and lose out on all those people who make a difference to your life? Marriage is like a prison where you enter without any external force. But why do we all enter it? yes, nobody wants to be alone, definitely nobody wants to accept the fact that we all are alone. Therefore we get into this marital rut where you not only have to understand things yourself but also explain your way of seeing it. Then you have to stand up for your thought if s/he does not agree with it. Why do you have to prove your thoughts to anyone? They are yours and are personal, you don't disclose it because you want people to agree with you, you just do because you are habituated to disclosing your thoughts.

To top it all, you love different people at different points in time. can you marry all of them? you need them all.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

I don't know why i am writing today, may be because you mean a lot like my grandpa. I love you thatha. He is not with me in body anymore but lives in our minds, in our hearts., he is immortal, like Virginia Woolf 's Mrs Ramsay in To The Lighthouse. Great people live, so do others, but great people impart pleasant memories. I didn't want to see my grandpa breath his last, so i didn't. I am happy I could stay awake with him through those nights. I realised how much I could love a human being as I never felt like i was cleaning his shit, it felt like I was serving him. It is Hanuman Jayanti today and my grandpa has gone to my 'Ishta' Devtaa,. My grandpa is a great devotee like Hanuman, I think that's why God took him today. I Love God like I love my grandpa. My aunt refused to come. I think all his children have been really blessed to have him as their father and i am most blessed as in spite of not being born to my grandparents, I still got their love. They loved me, they love me more than their children.

I dont know whether I should laugh or cry, he was suffering, this would rid him of his suffering. But I am afraid I can't speak to him in body anymore, but I hear his voice. May be this is what is communication. I will miss seeing him, but he is alive and is with me, like he always was and he will be. HE is the best, he is my father, my God, my friend, my confidante, my mentor, my love. He is the greatest human being who can look beyond himself and understand others for what they are. Of course, one doesn't expect him to step completely out of this patriarchal mindset but he has transcended it all. HE is 90 years old and he can accept any deviation in norms of marriage, religion, sex, inspite of being a priest. He is an icon that one should look up to. He knows I love him a lot. I could see my grandmom smiling, they are finally together after almost 9 years. Yes, they were together even in these 9 years in spirit, but now they belong to the same world. My grandmom is there for me... I love them both. Haven't experienced this kind of love before, haven't experienced their kind of story telling, their kind of hands, their kind of feel, their kind of love....

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

The question is what makes good literature? A lot of people might find Sidney Sheldon, Archer or Stephen king comprehensible as compared to Joyce, Woolf or even Shakespeare, but why then do we call the latter good literature and not the former? This applies to all art forms like Indian classical dance, music and so on. The ubiquitous nature of art makes it accessible to all but its intensity or depth draws only a specific audience. The fact that art is ubiquitous makes people feel that all can assimilate it, but when it immerses itself in a philosophical quest, which it usually does, it distances its audiences. The fact that it seems accessible to all leads to its corruption, corruption by so-called popular forms. A lot of the above questions will be answered if one considers art as a discipline like science or mathematics and as accessible to only those who study it. For the rest it will remain entertainment and therefore will be drawn only to what we call pop culture. It is essential now to look into the details of this discipline and also the reason for emergence of such questions when it concerns field of humanities, art in specific and not when it concerns the field of science or technology.

It is not possible for a student with a graduation degree in the field of humanities to pursue further degrees in science but the converse of it is valid. This reveals the treatment meted to humanities as a discipline. Further people are dissuaded from pursuing humanities due to a lack of incentives from the Government. A closer look at the Indian education system reveals that the number of exams available to an enthusiast in humanities is nil when compared with the umptene opportunities available to an enthusiast in science in the form of BTS and MTS exams (w.r.t Maharashtra) and olympiads. When it has been thrusted upon the society that pursuing humanities means leading an inane life, there will be an obvious decline in true enthusiasts pursuing the field of humanities due to societal biases. This also leads to a lot of people taking humanities for granted and not ascribing it with the fact that it is in fact a discipline all by itself.

With this as the reference point one delves deeper into the contamination of art and the reason for the emergence of questions regarding its existence. As art (literature, dance etc.) seems like a hobby than a discipline, it is considered to be inferior to pursuing a career in science or technology. Therefore it ends up as a side-kick than a main actor, a position that it definitely does not deserve. One can therefore conclude that art is a discipline and not a hobby, it involves an in-depth study of History, Psychology, Sociology and knowledge of advancement in science and technology and its effect on humankind. A student of art, who studies art therefore comes with an interest in all these disciplines but a narrow view like that of the sciences is definitely not suitable for its study.

It is unfortunate that people who systematise education refuse to see its significance and therefore do not allot any means to propel its application in terms of employment other than in the field of education. It is therefore unfair to expect laypersons to understand this discipline or even admit them to pursue it without a relevant background. This will only lead to the dumbing down of its status as a discipline, and make it more of a path that accomodates all. One has to conclude that the reason for these questions is a result of the treatment of art by society or by governements in power and their inability to acknowledge it as a discipline.