Friday, March 25, 2005

Doesn't being in love mean accepting people as they are, respecting each other and being willing to listen? None of this existed, Rati realises as she thinks about it. But she never thought it was love, it was something strange, even when it was happening. She felt he was a friend. Was she attracted to men holding positions? May be, she is attracted to anyone in position. She tends to idolise them. Hmmm, that's her fault. He didn't have such a great position either, then what was it? It is killing her now that she knows she made a mistake.

She called them both when she went to visit their family-god. She felt more at ease talking to her friend she had known for at least six years now. But he seemed to do everything right, he kept calling, where as her friend didn't. She called him. Her mother insisted that she was in love with him and that's how love feels. But she always felt there was something missing. May be her mother was right. He said that she should discontinue talking to her best friend, but he continued talking to his ex-girl friend. She didn't mind that, but she minded him trying to control her. He knew her only for two months and her best friend for six years. Why did she then even think of parting ways with her best friend whom she thought she loved? She doubted that relationship for something she knew was ephemeral. Rati just can't stop wondering about it.
She wishes that part of her life had never occured. She kept telling him that he doesn't know her, but continued to go with the flow. Too many things have happened. Thank God, he is gone. He stuck to her like a bone in her throat. She too is to be blamed, she knows that. But she can't figure why it happened. She kept introspecting but then everything seemed right, her mother too supported it. Was she carried away by her mother's thoughts? But what happened to her's then? She is not able to forgive herself for this.

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