Saturday, February 14, 2015

Feb 14, 2015.

Today is Valentine's day. The strange thing about consumerism is that even if you want to keep away from it, it tags along. And so I have let myself get carried away with it. I seem to know the reason for it; it is because we all need a reason to celebrate. Sometimes it feels like we have weddings, kids etc. to find a reason to celebrate. The funny thing is that there is a reason to celebrate everyday, but we still seek occasions. The people who benefit from it are the companies that create this aura around 'days', we could say. But I feel those people too believe in this, the more 'days' we have the more avenues we get to shift our focus from our daily lives.

What's so amazing about our lives that we must celebrate everyday? As a child I remember, I was amazed that the sun showed up everyday to mark the beginning of what we call day. Sometimes I was happy to stare at it and wonder how powerful it must be to light up the whole world. The moss on our compound wall would amaze me, how does this happen I wondered. I waited for the Gulmohar trees outside our building to bloom with red flowers because their red color made me happy. The ants that walked in line never failed to surprise me; I remember being generous with giving sugar to the floor of the house, till I got scolded for that, but I didn't mind that so much. Yes, we have all grown up, and somehow don't have time for these. But there are other things; like the streets that I drive the car on, they have so many patterns. The co-drivers on the road who sometimes cut me off, follow the rules, wave at me tell me about a flat tyre, or a sudden construction on the road which throws all of our routines out of the window, everything just amazes me. My work; my students, my colleagues, their points of view, their emotions, their happiness, their problems - each day brings with it some newness, new learning, that completely warrants a celebration.

Most of all my dog and my partner, they have so many new things everyday for me to learn and observe, which tells me that everyday must be a celebration. Do I have disease, yes I do. Am I upset sometimes; yes I am. But even that amazes me, because that tells me something new about myself, like I am discovering a new part of me each day, just like I am discovering you. Everyday is a day of love and discovery, so may be we should gift ourselves something everyday - like a view, or a run on grass, or just a hot cup of tea, nail paint, a new clip for the hair, or a smile at ourselves when we look into the mirror. Then we don't need celebrations as diversions from routine, they will be a part of who we are and how wonderful that would be! Then probably we will have less ostentatious weddings, birthdays and also spare the world from 'must-have' kids and lover's days! That would indeed be a world of celebrations! :-)

Saturday, August 11, 2012


My maid and I were having a conversation today, she cooks for us and I realised that she had a little more work than usual and I stood next to her and helped her out a little bit while talking to her. I asked if she wanted some tea and she was glad. We had not eaten the rotis she had made the previous day and I told her that we had no time to eat them. She laughed and said such is my story. "I cook everyday at home and I have two boys - boys are bad people. I make a good vegetable and they polish it off. They never think that I do so much work and get home. When I tell my 15-year old about this, he puts the blame on the younger one and the blame game continues. I miss my daughter, daughters are nice, they think about their mothers and fathers!"

It is funny how such sort of male behaviour translates into all kinds of relationships. It is extremely logical to know that there are 'x' number of people in the house and therefore all the 'x' need food.  I wonder what happens - do they have less observation powers or do they not learn for as long as they live? I forget that does not fit into their definition of logic! I have observed my grandpa, he is the most caring man I know, I am sure my grandma might have a different point of view, but I haven't seen anyone else as perceptive as him - my uncle runs a close second. So what exactly is this male logic which conveniently ignores normal, practical life?

Is it enough to gather information and spout it out at regular intervals, does that amount to logic? If you find that the government of 'x' country is unfair to its people, if a man can notice that, why can't he notice that he is unfair to his own daughter, sister, wife or mother in ignoring her human needs? Mother, out of her limitations due to the number of responsibilities at home, may not know what happened in Iraq today, but she knows that if she doesn't call her son for eating food at least 4 times, he will not eat on time. Wife may not know who the finance minister of the country is unless her husband tells her sometimes, because she is so busy figuring out how to be her husband's secretary, nurse, nanny, maid, teacher and be a partner!

I have observed that men come with an innate sense of competition - all wars in history have been because of men, because at different points of time some man wanted to prove his superiority over the others. This translates into all aspects of their lives. Most other men are used to it, because they want to prove something all the time, so men carry that into their relationships as well and when the relationship is with a woman, this aspect proves to be disastrous to the relationship. Usually a woman does not compete with people she loves (her family) and anyway her sense of competition is quite restricted - but she has other manifestations such as jealousy (which is a separate subject altogether).

 Food, clothing and shelter are accepted by all as the basic needs, then sometimes why does another person have to point out to a man that these basic needs are important, especially when he prides himself on being logical? Why do most men not know to cook? This is a basic, practical thing! So the conclusion is that the definition of male logic is 'gathering information' - X place is located here, Y who is important fell off a cliff, Z invested so much in S, but how to live life - which in fact requires logic, does not fit into male logic. Unfortunately since this world has been run by men for too long, 'information' is equated with logic, it is time to change that. Well if u can cram numbers in few seconds or solve cross word puzzles easily, you are welcome to be my secretary (nowadays that's an MBA). But if you can only do that and not see how a tree benefits you or how other human beings add value to your life, you are definitely not worthy of being called human.

Monday, March 30, 2009


"uuuuuuhhhh" she whispered into my ears,
My destiny.
I cringed, scared.
"uuuuuuhhhhh", whites all, pretty saree, no face.
She gestured with her hands, faceless, emotionless,
Oh, the unfathomable words!

Horoscope, horoscope, get my horoscope
She danced with a specific rhythm of hands and feet.
Oh destiny, how do I read you?
You have no face!
Still, still she was.
I handed her the paper the priest gave.

She tore it into pieces,
there she lay my destiny, in pieces,
join them, paste them.
How could you?
Why would you?
God! This struggle, this meaning
my horoscope, my destiny.

Crystal balls, would you know?
"uuuuuuhhh" yet again.
unfathomable noise.
afraid to read, is that language?
can I read anymore?
Aaaahhhhh, stop it!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Blank wait
blank eyes
parched earth.

Tired wait
tired eyes
swallowed by earth.

Pleas appear
pleas senseless

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I traveled through terrains of unhappiness
forever and ever.
It has been almost ten years now.
He came, he went
My love unrequited, parched in me.
Every time I saw another
I said, "This may be it!"
And it wasn't.

I was scared to smile
because smile meant happiness
That you make me happy
As soon as I said that
they ran away, those cowards!
Have you ever loved a woman?

Then he just landed on a day least expected.
Was it easter? i don't remember
It was a day when sun was the brightest
Stars shone at day
Moon and sun merged to give out a blue-yellow light
He came, he lay, he smiled, he touched my heart.
But i am scared now
I know he is not one of those wolves
But i am scared to be happy.
Which part of Heaven did he come from God?

Just like we met, let us keep meeting, keep loving
with no end;
every end leading to new love between us
just like in your world; Happily ever after.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Mind's numb,
My heart is blank
Vacuum seems full
still there is a haze, a block,
somewhere in me
a place I don't know of.
Break it for me, God
'cos i don't want to folly again
i am sapped of all strength
there is no reason in me anymore.
fathomless, mindless, heartless existence
give me a reason to deny, to break, to close this chapter
that runs seamlessly in my veins.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Wrapped in senses

With a swirl of sand you emerge
your golden hands embrace the earth.
So huge, they wrap me in their earthy charms.

Your eyes devour the world
I sink in my portrait,so enticing.
Your moans accompany the impressions
of my touch. You soak in those marks.

I split you as I slide on your slithery body
Beautiful halves. As the sand engulfs me
we pray. Allah he screams. I freeze.
The red blood comes gushing into my head.

I am buried in sand now
Sand doesn't come off my skin. I scrub and scrub
Your eyes, your hands, my portrait, my love
my love, my portrait, your eyes, your hands
Leave me! Leave me!

The sand and sky have merged
Saraswati appears. I run into her lotus arms
In her loving embrace I close my eyes
I feel sand again on my skin
It doesn't itch anymore.

I am free to breathe and as I open my eyes
I see Allah in my skin
Your eyes, your hands, my portrait,
My love, My God, your hands, my eyes.

We are sucked into the brightness of the rays.